Caregivers Need to be Psychological Healthy

April 29th, 2013.

Did you know, about one-third of all adults in our country provide some sort of family support to a relative? That is a staggering number! A very high majority of these family caregivers are women. While most of those people take on this responsibility gladly because of the love and commitment they have for the patient, it is a rigorous job that can cause psychological and physical stress which can compromise their health.

What about caregiving creates so much stress? Let’s take a look at this systematically and identify some of the causes.

- Some of the stress can be caused by a lack of knowledge and training. The more comfortable you feel about caring for your loved one, the lower your stress levels will be. To get the knowledge you need to be the best caregiver you can be, ask for help from your The Elizabeth Hospice care team, we can provide useful resources, education and information. Or visit our Caregiver Resource section on our website at http://elizabethhospice.org/being-a-caregiver/caregiving-resources. There you’ll find lots of helpful information that can support you in your role as caregiver.

- Stress can cause the caregiver psychological and physical harm if they are trying to stretch themselves between work, family and the patient. There are only so many hours in the day, and you are just one person.

-Feelings of being overwhelmed can cause stress for caregivers if they are suffering economic or legal burdens because of their commitment. Don’t forget social workers at The Elizabeth Hospice can help align community resources and support.

- Grief is also a creator of stress. The premature grief experienced by caregivers during the last few weeks of their loved one’s life can sometimes cause depression and chronic fatigue.

Approaching caregiving as if it were a job can set you up for a more successful experience. That might mean getting the proper training in the beginning. As with any other job, being properly trained means you have the knowledge you need to be successful at that job. The job is easier to approach and you have less stress and anxiety if you are confident in your abilities. Caregiving is no different. Seek advice on proper training from your hospice care team or through online resources.

Recognize your own stress and get help. If you need help, seek individual counseling, group support, or spiritual counseling through a church or an Elizabeth Hospice Chaplain. Help is also available at our Center for Compassionate Care, www.cccforhope.org.  Remember, you have to keep yourself healthy in order to support the one you love to the best of your ability.

The American Psychological Association has an online tool called the “Caregiver’s Briefcase.” The National Counsel on Aging gives excellent advice in their “Caregiver Guide.” You can get it online as well.

As a caregiver, you want to take pride in the work you are doing for that special person. Perhaps it’s a parent and you feel it is the right thing to give back to them for all they once gave to you. Being healthy, both physically and mentally, gives you what you need to do this important job to the best of your ability.

 

 

 

 

 

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How Do You Deal with the Guilt?

April 3rd, 2013.

As a family caregiver, you contribute so much to the day-to-day life of your loved one.  Sometimes the level of care comes at the price of your peace of mind. It is true that no one can be in two places at one time, so if you choose to spend time taking care of a loved one, what happens to the rest of your life and those in it? Everything doesn’t stop or get put on hold just to give you, the caregiver, time to spend with your loved one. Johnny’s soccer games still happens and Janie’s ballet classes are still every week, even though your father needs to have an outpatient procedure at the same time. Or, what about spending time with your husband, exercising and taking care of yourself?

Your ability to “do it all” becomes less and less realistic. Guilt sets in and you start doubting yourself and your abilities. You get extremely tired because you are trying so hard. Your ability to care for your loved one might be compromised as well. More guilt and more negative feelings about your situation take over. You get angry and depressed. All the while you are feeling guiltier.

You need a new mindset. Like any emotion, guilt can be managed. Take a deep breath and keep reading.

Recognize and name your guilt. Don’t let the guilt chip away at you and don’t keep it inside. Name it. Get it out in the open. It’s just fine to say, “I resent that Mom is sick and that it has changed my life so much.”  Or maybe, “Even when I do take a break I spend all my time waiting for ‘The Call’ saying I need to go back or that things have become worse for Dad.” You will get a better perspective if you do this and you will eventually remind yourself of how fortunate you are to be strong enough to take care of your loved one and how precious this time is.

Once your guilt is out in the open, set some priorities and take action to lighten your load. Get help if you need it. Ask family and friends to support you in your endeavors so you don’t feel guilty about letting things fall through the cracks. Consider taking advantage of the care provided by a hospice like The Elizabeth Hospice, who can provide the additional support you need so you can return to being a successful caregiver. It is not a negative reflection on you that you are asking for assistance. Quite the opposite. It shows that you are realistic about your capabilities.

Keep an eye on yourself. Know the warning signs of physical and mental discomfort caused by guilt. If you have difficulty breathing, feeling tired all the time, begin to feel despair, become depressed or lose your spiritual harmony and   strength. Look for these signs and get help as soon as possible.

Realize that you may not recognize the effects of your own stress. Take cues from others who approach you about how you may be feeling. If they are concerned about your physical or mental wellbeing, listen to them. Chances are their concerns are valid.

This should be a very special time in your life. You want to be able to look back at your role as a caregiver and feel good about what you did. This time can fill you with tenderness, gratitude and pride because your role has purpose. Be content and happy in the work you are doing.

“Contentment is natural wealth.” – Socrates

 

 

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Caregiver, Wife, Mother

March 19th, 2013.

While it is true that most of us wear an assortment of hats throughout our lives, what happens when we take on the responsibility of wearing more hats than we can manage to balance on our heads? This may be your scenario if you, like many baby boomers, have an elderly parent who needs end-of-life care, plus a husband and maybe even children at home. Since cloning yourself is not an option, how do you pick and choose how to divide your time among all these people who need you? Your maternal instinct is telling you to care for everyone, but is that realistic?

If that paragraph left you feeling stressed and anxious, chances are you need to overcome some personal barriers and approach this busy life of yours more positively.  Let’s look at some of the possible misconceptions you may have swimming around in your head that are increasing your stress and making the days ahead seem daunting. Perhaps if we pair the misconceptions with a more positive spin on the situation, you will see more clearly that caregiving and family responsibilities can be a privilege if you manage them well.

Misconception = I am responsible for my parent’s care. Me and me alone must shoulder this.

Positive approach = I’m honored to be able to care for my mother or father during the last part of their journey. I will do my best.

Misconception = Who will take care of mom if I don’t?

Positive approach = I know I can give my mom many happy days by caring for her myself. I know I am not alone in this however, and I can ask for support when I feel I need help. I’m in control.

Misconception = I promised mom that I would be the one to take care of dad.

Positive approach = I will care for dad as promised; however, others are also capable of caring for him when I need a break or when my own family needs me. I will try to find balance.

Doing your best to care for a loved one does not mean you have to sacrifice your own family’s happiness or your own health. You can achieve balance. Here are a few things you can try:

Ask for help. Easier said than done? If your loved one has hospice, Hospices like The Elizabeth Hospice can help by providing both trained and volunteer caregivers to provide whatever help you need; from running errands, to giving you a break to get your hair done or going to watch Billy play soccer.

Let other family members care for your loved one. It doesn’t always have to be you. They could give you a break or this could be time you spend together in care of that special loved one, instead of time you have to spend apart because you feel the responsibility of being present for you parent.

Reduce your own stress. Are you becoming more irritable, having problems eating or sleeping? Do you forget things all the time? These are some of the red flags that identify a higher than normal stress level. Look that stress in the face and decide what you can and cannot change about the situation. Change the things you can to gain back control and reduce stress. Take a break: walk, have coffee with a friend, meditate or take a long bubble bath.

Set realistic goals for yourself by identifying the problems causing you to feel stressed. List possible solutions with your family. Communicate honestly and clearly with each other.

Maybe mom needs to come live in your house to reduce time away from your own home. Or maybe you can find other resources to help. Keep an open mind about possible solutions. Just try a few you come up with and see how they work for you. They may not be perfect, but they may help you to balance all your hats.

 

 

 

 

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Coping With Changing Relationships: As Adult Children Become Caregivers

February 27th, 2013.

Human nature dictates that we often experience child-parent struggles. The blurring of identities as our parents advance in age and we become their caregivers frequently intensifies these struggles. This can create tremendous strain on our ability to manage the day-to-day stresses of these new roles. But there are some relatively simple ways to handle the changes in your relationship and make the transition easier on you both.

Simply stopping and counting to 10 before responding to your parent will afford you precious seconds to calm yourself and potentially avoid an unnecessary argument. Those moments of deep breathing and hesitation can also give you an opportunity to more fully understand your reactions to stresses in your relationship. This, in turn, will help you transform your fight-or-flight instincts into more positive responses that can ultimately strengthen and deepen your bond with your parent.

If your parent has a tendency to use verbal negative cues to trigger you into offering an angry response, consider turning the avoidance of these “hooks” into a personal contest. See how many times you can refuse to take the bait, considering each time you pass up a negative hook an internal private victory. Understand that the best way to win an argument is by peacefully and calmly ending the discussion altogether.

Sometimes old patterns and routines can lead to falling into the same old traps and ruts. Try changing things up with new scenery and unexpected activities. This might refresh your outlook and help you and your parent see each other in a different, more compatible light where communication is easier and calmer. Along these same lines, introduce your parent to the adult you by involving them in your work, professional interests and colleagues if possible. By helping them see you as an adult instead of a child, it may be easier to break the old parent-child trap and talk with one another rather than at each other.

As your parents age, it’s important to maintain an open mind about your interactions with them. Understand that the aging process is difficult on them as well. Their lives are changing, as is yours, and these changes are often frightening and complicated. The fewer expectations you have on your relationship, the easier it will be to remain flexible and adaptive as you both journey through this unfamiliar territory. To remind yourself about the good times during those moments when things are less pleasant, keep a record of any positive interactions you have with your parents. You might even want to write a note to them during these times, to share your good feelings and happy experiences as a part of their lives.

Most importantly, remember to reward yourself for changing outcomes, avoiding old traps understanding and restructuring your reactions. Refusing to take negative bait, being patient, and remaining flexible and adaptive are difficult challenges. Accomplishing these goals should be viewed as a personal victory. So give yourself a special treat for the effort you put into making these changes – a massage, favorite meal, time alone to read or relax to soothing music, whatever refreshes and renews you. As a caring and compassionate adult child of aging parents, you deserve it. And you’ll be better prepared to provide sensitive, loving support as a result.

 

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A Healthy Heart or A Chocolate Heart: Which means more to you this Valentine’s Day?

February 5th, 2013.

This time of the year storefronts are flooded with the color red. Pretty much everywhere you look, you’ll find red roses, red heart-shaped boxes of chocolate, and red balloons. Yet, there is a different and growing trend of why women are dawning red this time of year. The American Heat Association has declared February as Heart Disease Awareness month. Their Go Red For Women campaign with its signature color is focused on drawing attention to this number one killer of women. Though our blogs typically offer insights to your role as caregiver, we dedicate February’s blog to supporting the Go Red For Women campaign.

Twenty-five of women in the U.S. die from heart disease (only about 4% from breast cancer). Almost one out of every four women who have a heart attack will die within one year of the event, and only one-third of those who live will make a full recovery. Within six years, close to half of all women who have a heart attack will become disabled with heart failure. As a caregiver, you are likely to have increased stress – juggling your role as caregiver with the other demands of your busy life. Stress can increase your risk for heart disease. By understanding risk factors, symptoms and ways to decrease your risk, you can make positive changes that can greatly safeguard your heart. Eighty percent of heart attacks and strokes can be treated, prevented and even ended, if women learn about what puts them at risk and take action toward fighting it.

Remember taking care of yourself is your first step to ensure you can take care of others. This Valentine’s Day, make the smart choice and enjoy the gift of a healthy heart. Learn more about risk factors, prevention and living heart healthy at www.goredforwomen.org

 

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